We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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