I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
