It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
