Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
