perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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