Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
