By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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