I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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