Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
