I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
