fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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