oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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