Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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