Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
