I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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