Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
