do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
