3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
