What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
