Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My life is pants optional.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
