someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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