Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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