i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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