i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
