Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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