Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my poor anus
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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