4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
