i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
