just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just threw up on my dentist
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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