6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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