I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i love accidental penises.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
