I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
