I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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