I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
