I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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