I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
