i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
