she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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