Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
