I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
