Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
