You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
