how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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