i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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