By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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