Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
