i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
