I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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