At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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