I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Green mimosas i think yes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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