How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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