It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
